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Author Topic: LDR advice, what to do. Stupid me?  (Read 12189 times)
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remrihk
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« on: April 24, 2015, 04:17:20 PM »

Dear SP fellows,

gusto ko lang po sana humingi ng opinion about my current relationship because sometimes I don't know kung ano talaga ang tama.

I have been in an LDR for almost 2 years, my first GF. She was my classmate during grade 6 in the philippines. but then transfered school, eventually napadpad here in Japan. so there was like almost 10-11 years gap na nagkita lang uli kami 2-3 years ago, I went to Philippines to see them, her as a friend, for 5 days.We had some attraction and of course chemistry narin. I went back to Philippines after few months to be with her for a week, now became a GF, after that we went through many things through phone. lotsa of calls, messages, flirts, etc. and of course lots of fighting, doubt,insecurities, stupid stuffs. I even stop seeing my then after many years staying here in japan, I made some filipino friends. She was jealous to one person na girl in the barkada. then there is some incident na I cancelled a plan Music Video shooting and me as the main camera person, because she denied me and told me she will leave me if I spent time there rather than talk to her. of course the director I was planned on working on felt betrayed and never called me again.
Sometimes I do regret that, if I did made that video, I might really have many more opportunities to work on Japanese production companies. all ended up. at first I wasn't regretted it but then later I do.

Anyway, to continue, yes, we have some good times, some bad times. lots of fight because yeah sometimes I cannot make time to talk to her, she always get angry to be, be in bad mood at times she stops answering my calls, I spend time, after work, to talk to her, many times, sometimes I stay until late night just to talk to her while I still have work the next day.

I even helped her do something like a mini business selling toys online in the philippines, so she could have something to do because currently she has no work. I consumed some majority of my day (office hours) to do stuffs, contact customers, search for products etc. even after I get back home and sometimes even after work on the train I do stuufs, I stay up night. pretty much every night and sometimes even sats and suns I do that for her. Use my time instead of going with friends, I did talk to her and stuffs, minsan nga out of the blue bigla na lang sya nawawala sa mood at nagagalit sakin.

The beginning of our relationship was thorny din, she didn't trusted me fully before because of my past stuffs, (i didn't had gf but still... you know, mistakes and stuffs) sometimes she compare me with her first BF, that I am not romantic and stuffs, so for almost a year, I sent her letter every month which is pretty much ok lang din naman sakin new experience. I send them flowers, foods through online, I lend them money when they need although she is not asking because she insist she didnT want to which means pagdating sa pera di naman sya talaga gold digger.

When we fight, I am always the one who says sorry kasi yeah sometime ako may kasalanan, like I forgot to make a call on time. minsan nauuna ako matulog kesa tumawag, etc. for me its ok lang naman dati.
Actually I may be too fast to tell her the question, but on my second visit, around one year ago, we went to palawan, trips etc. then kinda ask her hand, also asked her parents about it din. She said, ok, when the time comes.

She was staying in the philippines, I was saving up for wedding, or for her going here. kasi I've asked, and invited her many many times to come in Japan, and search work if she wants,
I have helped many times, although she helps me from time to time to do this for me etc.
Sa totoo lang para sakin wala lang yun. I have cried a lot before because when she gets angry or insecure, She always says we should break up, etc. and that happen many times. you can say we fight before around once a week.

The truth is its ok.

Then just march, they immigrated to US, mas malayo, iba ang oras, less communication.
then lately, narerealize ko sa sarili ko because nakakapag isip na ako ng maayos , is it worth it? am I too stupid? kahit konti nagkakameron na ng wavering sa puso (mind in disguise) ko. maybe its the distance din.

Its just that, ayoko masayang ang 2 years, and also I don't want to leave her because I know she will get depressed so much, she will develop fear from trusting person or guys again because if for example I leave which is I know, veeeeeery irresponsible.
Also, we already did "it". and its her first official one, not counting fingers (sorry for sensitive topic). and I just fear many things if ever..

The reason why I am telling this is, even right before I feel some doubt already, I have cried a lot already na next time nya sabihin na mag break na kami, I dunno if I will cry anymore (I'm a guy and I shouldnt be crying). Its just I have promised din na I will not leave her. and I dont say the word promise if mahirap kong magagawa. I confess I'm so immature pag dating sa relationship stuff, you see, she is my first GF, never had one, never experienced wooing a lot because I kinda prioritized studies, and now I am working dahil din nagprioritize ako sa study, I know that pag magkameron ako ng GF dati wala mapapala..

Its just that lately may wavering sa akin emotion. dati sabi ko, "gagawin ko ang lahat wag mo lang ako iwan." ngayon ang naiisip ko is, "I will let God decide what will happen ". I cannot share this emotion yet to her, I'm kinda introvert person, so sometimes I have tendency na sarilinin ang mga problema ko.. or not share sa someone na malapit sakin.

AND now, this is the case. I have come to became friends with someone here in Japan, She is very kind, I know sa una palang yan at di ko pa kasi sya simula, well I'm kind of, trying to open my world a little bit and let her come into my heart din. its just that I don't want to cheat or something, I never did for these past years . if you don't consider going to a group of friends with one girl in them na dati mong crush is cheating. then yes, I didn't cheat. pretty much gave most of my time to her. lately nalang uli ako nakakapag socialize sa mga kachurch, and new friends.

Now, when we talk through fb or stuffs, I know nammroblema sya sa mga bagay like sa pagaadjust sa bago nyang location. I am still very willing parin naman na tumulong sa abot ng makakaya ko.. but still minsan naiisip ko, is it worth it pa ba? I know i should be patient. but should I just close myself to people or women around me and focus on her only? I'm at lost. I feel I will betray her even just by thinking about this stuffs, sa totoo lang, minsan majority ng working hours ko is chatting up with her. sometimes I sacrifice my hobbies, my gala time just to talk to her and many times nauuwi sa nawawalan sya ng mood etc.

may mga hobbies ako na hinding hindi nya gusto or wala sya pakielam..  may mga opinion ako na hindi nya lagi gusto. She always say I don't understand her and yes may mga times oo, I just can't tell her she don't understand me din...

I dunno.. what to do or think, I just don't want to hurt her. or her family. pretty much kasi pinakilala ko na rin sya sa buo kong relatives eh and gusto rin sya ng parents ko although di pa masyado nakakasama at nakakausap.

Pasensya na po kayo sa napaka haba kong story.

Just opinions or advice or anything is welcome! kahit pagtawanan nio pa po ako or pagalitan 

Thank you po sa patient na tao makakapagbasa nito.

I am a filipino guy po pala. 24 years old palang.
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remrihk
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« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2015, 04:19:13 PM »

Dear Malago Members,

Sorry nagkamali po
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